Fantastic Four Casting OUTRAGE: The Thing NOT Played By An Actual Rock Monster

Fox, you REALLY screwed the pooch on this one.

Casting for Josh Trank’s The Fantastic Four was revealed earlier today by The Wrap.  You’ve probably already heard by now that the movie will reportedly star Miles Teller as Mr. Fantastic, Michael B. Jordan as the Human Torch, Kate Mara as Invisible Woman and Jamie Bell as The Thing.

With that out of the way, we can focus our collective attention to what we do best, internet– GET ANGRY.  And there’s a LOT to be angry about… I’ve never been so OUTRAGED!!!

First off, let’s get this slap in the face out of the way up front– Jamie Bell is a NORMAL HUMAN… NOT a hulking orange rock monster.  Why he would ever be cast as The Thing is beyond me, but I guess I’m not one of those Hollywood auteur types like Josh Trank, so whatever…  Word on the streets is, Bell has never even been bombarded by cosmic radiation, OR visited the Negative Zone.  Blashphemy!

And here’s strike two– in pretty much every iteration of the Fantastic Four comics, Reed Richards (AKA Mr. Fantastic) wears glasses, a bespectacled father figure to Marvel’s first family.  Miles Teller proved his on screen charisma in The Spectacular Now and promises to bring a very new attitude to this role… but HE DOESN’T WEAR GLASSES.  What’s the matter Hollywood?  Couldn’t find a four eyed actor of equal talent???

While I can’t envision her as Sue Storm, Kate Mara has done some excellent work in House of Cards, American Horror Story and other roles in the past few years, but even the simplest of Google Image searches will reveal SHE (usually) DOES NOT HAVE BLONDE HAIR!!!  That’s strike three, Trank.

As for Michael B. Jordan as Human Torch…

…I have no complaints.  He’s a great actor who’s proven he can bring the perfect balance of genuine nice guy and cocky jerk all in one package.  I think he’ll be a wonderful Johnny Storm.

Source: The Wrap